To do list

At the end of my pregnancy I went to a mum's group at a church and I was struck and a little upset by the underlying guilt and disappointment of not having enough time to read the bible, pray and do "spiritual" ministries that surfaced when they started articulating what they dreamt of and what they found a struggle in their lives as mums. 

I really do understand this feeling - in the midst of the reality of continues nappy changes, snack making and cleaning, living with God was yet another part of life that seemingly has to be sat on the shelf, along with other dreams and ambitions until the children are a little bigger. What it means and looks like to be "authentically" (whatever that means?!) living with God (at least in many of the Christian settings I'm in)-reading the bible and praying for X minutes/hours a day, being part of some ministry and so on just seems impossible to fit into the hectic life of a mum to little children (or any normal life...). Let's be honest sometimes, we don't have time to shower or brush your teeth because of all the things that need to be tended to around us... 

While I do think it is vital in the midst of the business of motherhood to sit down (or go for a walk), take a deep breath and (re)turn to God trough scripture, prayer, a smile or a glance -I do not think it is helpful to feel guilt or disappointment for not being able to spend an hour or five everyday being with God. 

God is not another thing on your list of things that need to be tended too. 

He is the One who tends to you, and He is here bidden or not.   

So here I am again trying to figure out what becoming someone who walks with God might mean. This time it's through the lens of motherhood. Being a mum (or anything thing really...) does not mean there is even less time for God, rather it is an invitations to see and encounter God in new ways -if I just start looking for Him in the small mundane things that make up my present, rather than waiting to "see" Him until I have the time to sit down for an hour sometime in the future. 

God is not on my to do list. He is here. 

-if you want to hear/read more along these lines I can recommend

Alan Ramsey's sermon "Looking Looking" and   The Practice of the Presence of God (Paraclete Essentials) by Brother Lawrence.