Unedited

First an apology to the (two) guys who read my blog - I love that you are here but you might find that this entry is not quite up your street.

After every pregnancy there comes several different occasions where there is a strong urge to wear jeans without an elasticated waistband again. 

The first one hit me 10days after Aline was born. Yes is was was not realistic at all that I would be able to get into my pre-pregnancy jeans - but in a desperate attempt to make my life normal, after the whirl-wind of change the arrival of Aline was, I did spend 15min trying to pull my jeans over my knees with little effect other than a flood of tears and dark thoughts of forever being banished to wearing maternity clothes. 

The second one crept up on me several weeks ago - just before going out to a party of course! In my mind a thought surely after three months my body must be getting back to normal so I pulled out my pre-pregnancy jeans again. After a lot of huffing and puffing and pulling sure enough I was able to pull them on AND just about button them up if I held my breath and didn't move (big change really -though not recognized at that moment). But the size of the muffin-tops made me want to go eat some cake. Poor Stefan had to pull out all his tricks to make me stop crying and get me patched together to leave for the party...

Normally I would consider my self a rather sensible shopper - never buy anything without a plan (except from Charlie at the market *wink* ) - you can see where this is going can't you... The other day I was in town and came across this offer for magic underwear (I do have some and they are normally my best friend) with my last disaster fresh in mind I was an easy target for the "Loose inches in seconds" and the "Get rid of Cellulite in 28 days" in big pink letters on the box. Stupidly I pick up two pack -one nude and one black- and even more stupidly -I don't know what I was thinking - probably in denial - I got a size smaller than I should have... When the lady at the till informed me that underwear could not be returned the thought did cross my mind to go grab a bigger size... but being in a good (and overconfident) mood I said nothing and swiped my card.

The next morning: Stefan's of to work, Aline's dressed and siting happily in her bouncy chair, watching me get dressed and there's 45min before we need to catch the bus. I unsheathe the magic underwear (MU) and happily get to work at squishing myself into them. 

1 min later: I'm happily tugging and pulling while Aline is smiling next to me. 
Progress: I've got them around my ankles.

5 min later: I'm singing to Aline to keep her happy, while still tugging and pulling -now with an edge of aggression at the pants. 
Progress: mid-calf 

10 min later: I've stopped singing and given Aline a toy. The hauling and yanking has become slightly more energetic and the regard for my nails had gone.
Progress: just over the knees...

15 min later: Aline is now board of her toy and has started to whine and wriggle. I've worked up a sweat and am too tangled in the MU to be able to do anything. One nail has broken, I've managed to make a hole in the MU (!).
Progress: half-way up my thighs.

25min after first starting: Aline's whining is getting louder. I am now lying on the floor wriggling like a worm trying to get the dam MU's over my hips. Two more nails have thrown in the towel and let's just say my happy mood from earlier that day had gone.

35 min after staring (10min before the bus leaves): Aline is crying. So am I. But the MU are finally on (yes I'm stubborn when I need to be). Well that is I've managed to pull most of it up, but the crotch is still half-way down my thighs making it very uncomfortable to walk...

36 min: I give Aline her dummy and hobble as fast as I can up stairs, pull out my jeans (-yes I have become a mad woman on a mission...), step into them and pull them up only to find that the button is just as hard to fasten and the muffintops are still there! What I disappointment! I'm sure you could hear my "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" in Headington.

40 min: I managed to unfold myself from the MU -that alone took 3min - throw on my maxi-dress - throw Aline into the pram (not literally of course) and run out the door to catch the bus only to see it just leave the bus stop...

Here is a picture of the dam thing:

Lesson: Be gracious towards my self, celebrities that are back in shape after 6 weeks are not human and getting your hair done can make up for wearing maternity jeans... healthy eating and exercise and time are now my good friends. After all Aline is worth it!